


Irrationalization

by ras_elased



Category: SGA - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-30
Updated: 2006-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-11 13:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ras_elased/pseuds/ras_elased
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Please explain how you justify slipping me a roofie and making me play Batman to your Catwoman!" Episode tag to Irresistible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Irrationalization

  
  
  
  
  


**Entry tags:**

| 

  
[fic: irrationalization](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/fic%3A%20irrationalization), [genre: humor](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%20humor), [genre: post-ep](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%20post-ep), [genre: romance](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/genre%3A%20romance), [pairing: mcshep](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/pairing%3A%20mcshep), [rating: pg-13](http://ras-fic.livejournal.com/tag/rating%3A%20pg-13)  
  
  
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**Irrationalization**   
_

Title: Irrationalization  
Spoilers: Irresistible, tiny little hint for Sateda that you wouldn't get if you haven't seen the ep

Words: ~1800

Summary: "Please explain how you justify slipping me a roofie and making me play Batman to your Catwoman!" Episode tag to Irresistible.

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis, and I'm not making any money off of this. It is all done for entertainment purposes.

  
A/N: I woke up with this story in my head and this wonderful explanation on why Rodney would have used the herb on Sheppard that negated the squickiness of it. I wrote about half of it down, then my friend had to go to the hospital, and by the time I came back to this story I couldn't remember any of my original idea! So, um, I just kind of faked it, and I hope it turned out okay. The original ending was very friendshippy, because the characters wouldn't cooperate, so I kind of smooshed them together at the end because I wanted warm fuzzies, dammit! So, uhm, hopefully that part turned out okay, too. If not, let me know, because I can't get better unless I know how. ;) 

  


oOo

  


 

  


"**_MCKAY!_**" Sheppard's voice bellowed as he charged into the mess hall.

  


 

  


Rodney froze, his hand poised over the extra pudding cup. Groaning inwardly, he turned to see Sheppard's thunderous expression fixed on him and coming closer with each furious step. Rodney tried to mask his outright terror by raising his chin defiantly and doing everything in his power **not** to flinch away from the inevitable punch to his delicate face that he knew was coming.

  


 

  


To his surprise, John stopped a few feet from him, hands clenching and unclenching angrily at his sides, his jaw working in a way that made it look like he was trying to form words but was just too damn pissed off to think straight. "You—" he finally said, red faced and pointing furiously, "—are an _asshole_!"

  


 

  


Rodney replied in a haughty voice that in no way sounded like he feared for his own life and the life of his pudding cup. "I take it you're cured?"

  


 

  


"Damn it, McKay! You turned me into a sex slave!"

  


 

  


The entire mess hall went silent. John's eyes went terrifyingly wide, and he locked his gaze on Rodney, refusing to acknowledge the frozen stares of the multitude, food poised halfway to their gaping mouths. Rodney felt the heat creep up his face as he turned tomato red. They both stood for several torturous moments, fidgeting under the weight of everyone's eyes on them, then Sheppard's anger from before returned with an increased order of magnitude. Grabbing the front of McKay's shirt, he hauled him out of the mess hall so forcefully that Rodney actually had to hold on to the hand fisted into the material in order to keep his balance. He continued to haul him effortlessly down the corridors of Atlantis, not bothering to speak or even to look at Rodney. As the corridors became less and less crowded and more and more dark, Rodney began to wonder exactly **how** pissed Sheppard actually was. Because if he was correct, and he usually was, then they were headed to the uninhabited portion of Atlantis, and that was a great place to hide a body.

  


 

  


Rodney was idly calculating the probability of a successful escape when he was slammed into the wall of the corridor, John's angry face inches from his own. "You want to tell me what the hell you were thinking? Do I look like a French maid to you?"

  


 

  


Rodney looked at him like he'd just asked if he'd like to see his collection of beanie babies. "What? No, of course—"

  


 

  


"Then please explain how you justify slipping me a roofie and making me play Batman to your Catwoman!" Sheppard growled.

  


 

  


"Oh, please! Stop being so melodramatic, Colonel!" Rodney chanced an eyeroll. "You of all people should know it wasn't like…well, like _that_."

  


 

  


"Then by all means, McKay, explain it to me," John replied, all edgy false cheer.

  


 

  


"Look, it wasn't…It's just…" Rodney hedged.

  


 

  


John's fist tightened in Rodney's shirt, pressing him harder into the wall. "McKay…" He drew the word through clenched teeth.

  


 

  


Rodney felt a sudden surge of anger pulse through his chest, and he shoved John away with a full body thrust. Sheppard was caught so off guard he actually stumbled backwards, landing on his ass with a hard grunt. "I don't know, okay? I just…I'm so sick of it!" Rodney yelled.

  


 

  


John slowly got to his feet, gingerly rubbing a hand over the spot where he'd landed on his ass, figuring he'd have a nasty bruise there later. All the while, Rodney continued speaking in a truly spectacular rant, and John had to wonder at the man's lung capacity. "You traipse around Atlantis with your stupid smile and your stupid hair and you have people falling all over themselves to do your bidding, and we all just blindly follow your orders because how could we say no? You're _Sheppard_, and we'll just bend over backwards for you and meanwhile, I, the single most brilliant man in two galaxies, who is single-handedly responsible for saving everyone's collective asses on a number of separate occasions, can get absolutely _no play_! No, I must resort to regularly pulling a miracle out of thin air for the smallest sign of approval, and it's been better lately, yes, but still not like it was between us so maybe I thought it would be nice if the tables turned for once!" Rodney opened his mouth to suck in a second breath, clearly intending to continue his diatribe, but John cut him off by hastily clamping a hand over Rodney's mouth, pushing him back up against the wall.

  


 

  


He glared at John with outraged, wide blue eyes. "McKay, just shut up for a second." The blue eyes narrowed. John just cocked his head sideways and let the barest trace of a smile grace his lips, examining Rodney for a long moment. "So, let me get this straight…" John drawled slowly. "You used the herb…because you're jealous? Of the attention you think I get?"

  


 

  


"Mmpf pht hmm whmmphmnth!" Rodney said, eyes rolling.

  


 

  


"And you wanted people to pay that kind of attention to you…" John continued, working things out.

  


 

  


"Hmmpfmmt! Mmphmg—"

  


 

  


"But everyone else already had been given the cure…I was the only one susceptible to it…"

  


 

  


"Mmh." Rodney's brows furrowed.

  


 

  


John narrowed his eyes. "And you knew that…So technically, you specifically drugged me, and only me…"

  


 

  


Rodney looked away in confusion. "Mm…Hmmp mphg."

  


 

  


John raised an eyebrow as a sudden thought occurred to him. "And _you_ were the one who said the whole Catwoman and Batman thing was hot!"

  


 

  


And the glare was back. "Gmphmm! Mm phmnt hmmfmnth—"

  


 

  


"Yes you did!" John countered. "Oh my—I can't believe you! You really _did_ turn me into your sex slave!"

  


 

  


"Mmh?" Rodney said, eyes going wide and glazed as he worked the thought through his own twisted psyche.

  


 

  


John gingerly removed his hand, scrunching his nose up as he realized he had Rodney's spit covering his palm. Rodney stayed staring off into space, deep in thought. John looked in vain for somewhere to wipe Rodney's drool off his hand, deciding Rodney's shirt sleeve was as good a place as any.

  


 

  


"Oh my god," Rodney finally said, turning his blue stare on John. "I did!" His mouth dropped open in shock, and John gave him a look that said, 'You are such an idiot.' Almost immediately, Rodney started in on a new rant. "Oh, I am so—I'm so sorry! I didn't mean—You have to believe me! I never meant—Sheppard—Please don't take me off the team! Sheppard—I would never—I'm so sorry, John!"

  


 

  


Sheppard's anger evaporated at the pleading look in Rodney's eyes. "Look, Rodney, it's okay," John sighed. "I know you never would have…y'know…taken it that far."

  


 

  


"Of course not!" Rodney spat, but he sounded more relieved than anything. "I may be hard up, but I'm not _that_ hard up!" There was a pause, then Rodney said, "Um, that didn't exactly come out—"

  


 

  


"Thanks, McKay," John rolled his eyes. "You know, you're not exactly a prize catch yourself, either!"

  


 

  


"Look, I didn't mean—Hey!" Rodney said, suddenly catching the insult. "I'll have you know, plenty of people find me very attractive! Why just the other day, I—" Rodney stopped when he caught sight of John's smirk. "Oh, shut up," he grumbled.

  


 

  


Which, of course, only made John smirk wider. Rodney just glared back, and tried unsuccessfully to hide his answering grin. "So, you're…You promise you're not angry?"

  


 

  


Sheppard felt his lips slide into an easy smile. "I promise. Hell, I'm even a little flattered," he added with an almost-shy duck of his head.

  


 

  


Rodney eye-balled him warily. "Really?" he asked, both suspicious and vaguely hopeful, and that right there was the look John had been waiting for, that he hadn't even realized he'd been waiting for.

  


 

  


"Really," he answered with a shrug. "It's not everyday a guy becomes Catwoman's love slave." He gave Rodney a teasing once-over. "Although I don't think leather would quite suit you, McKay."

  


 

  


Rodney just rolled his eyes. "Yes, by all means, continue to humiliate me! Because it's not like I—"

  


 

  


His words were cut off when John's mouth met his, sending a wide-eyed McKay scrabbling backwards against the wall. John just gripped his shoulders to hold him in place, his hands and lips bleeding warmth into Rodney's skin. Once the initial shock of 'holy-crap-Sheppard's-_mouth_' died down, Rodney's perceptions zeroed in on the sensation of John kissing him, his strong lips wrapped firmly around Rodney's own, applying just a hint of suction. All too soon, John pulled back, matching Rodney's assessing gaze with one of his own.

  


 

  


"I…I thought you were cured?" Rodney asked, once his brain began functioning again.

  


 

  


John made an exaggeratedly concentrated face, like he was carefully taking stock of his own mental faculties. "Hmm…yep, I'm still pissed at you, so I'd say we're good."

  


 

  


"Oh. Well. Then that means…Of course! I knew it!" Rodney said, lighting up like he'd just discovered his Nobel winning theory. "You are _so_ gay! No straight man spends that much time on his hair, you probably have a hairdryer and like, 50 styling products stashed in your room, and oh! The Eartha Kitt—Julie Newmar thing was such a dead giveaway; _how_ could you have made it this far in life without _everyone_ knowing you're gay? It's just—"

  


 

  


"Rodney…" John growled.

  


 

  


"What?"

  


 

  


"Shut _up_." Then his mouth once more descended, his hands cupping either side of Rodney's face, his lips moving gently but possessively against Rodney's. This time Rodney got with the program, and began kissing back. He embarrassed himself by opening his mouth in a needy moan, and John took that as his cue to lick his way past Rodney's lips and teeth, devouring everything he had to give.

  


 

  


When the need for oxygen became too much, John broke the kiss, looking just as dazed as Rodney. Barely able to form the words, Rodney replied belatedly, "Shutting up," then pulled John's face to his once more. Their open mouths fought with the same spirit as their verbal battles, teasing and pushing and biting, and when Rodney's hands drifted to cup John's ass and press the hardness of Rodney's cock against his own, John completely ignored the painful bruise on his ass and let out a strained groan as he fought not to come in his pants.

  


 

  


Pulling back so he could see Rodney's face, he panted and noticed Rodney's blue eyes were wide and dark. "Rodney…" he begged, not even knowing what he was asking.

  


 

  


Thankfully, Rodney did. "My quarters are closer," he said, grabbing John by the front of his shirt and dragging him down the corridor, much like John had done to him earlier. "And just for your information, Colonel, I happen to look great in leather."

  


 

  


John smiled devilishly as he allowed himself to be led. "So do I."

  


 

  



End file.
